Daring to Desire

Last week, a question kept waving its hand in my face. I heard it in the Bible study I attend, read it in the novel beside my bed, and saw it on the pages of scripture (John 1:38). The question is this: What do you want? 

I hear it with varying inflection.
What do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?

It’s challenging me to look at my desires, my longings, and my affections. 

Because as much as we want to believe that “willpower” overcomes all else, our daily steps and decisions are ultimately driven by our desires. I believe we are created to crave.

As C.S. Lewis so famously proclaimed in The Weight of Glory, “…it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

MISDIRECTED DESIRES

Right now, I find that there are a lot of things just in my peripheral vision that are pleasing to the eye (Gen. 3:6), and they vie for my attention and affection. I’m not even talking just about sinful temptations here. I’m talking about all the other good things I want to do… I think I should do… I’ve been told I ought to do. They might not be bad in any way, but they are not the best thing. They are not where my desires should be directed.

They are not Jesus.

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

Yep. You know the story, too — Martha, the eager hostess, and her sister, Mary, sitting like a child at the Lord’s feet. And I’m guessing you find it as equally convicting as I do every time you read it. I like to serve my Lord. I like to be useful and productive. Can’t I just listen to your teaching in the background while I scurry around, Jesus? And for crying out loud, couldn’t you send someone to help me out a bit here? Sigh. I understand Martha all too well.

But I also notice something comforting in Jesus’ words. He doesn’t rebuke Martha. No, He calls her by name. Twice. And He acknowledges how she feels. Worried and upset. But He also protects Mary’s choice, and in so doing He invites Martha to see things more clearly.

Mary saw the gift that was right in front of her — the Lord’s presence.

Martha saw only what needed to be done to feed all those hungry disciples. Essentially, she was distracted from the best by the good.

WANTING WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE

So how do we develop eyes like Mary when we have all the demands of Martha? Because it’s not just about adding another to-do: Sit still and listen to Jesus today. Check! It’s about training our hearts to desire the Lord. To find rest and satisfaction in His presence. To gladly lay aside all else just to be with Him.

Here’s the astounding truth we need to wrap our minds around before we start training our hearts to desire His presence: He is already with you. “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt. 28:20b) At any moment, we are given the gift that Mary had — Jesus, by His Spirit, is with us! Use your imagination and picture Him on your sofa, or at your table, or in your car. Weird, right? But just because He’s not there physically doesn’t make His presence any less real. 

And so we find ourselves in another one of those awkward Christian paradoxes (which I secretly love): God is already with us, yet we long for His presence. Somehow, in the awakening to His nearness, we desire Him more. We’re not crying out and clamoring in desperation for a far-away father whose visits come as unexpected surprises every few months. No, we’re enraptured by and drinking deeply from the joyful delight of waking every morning in the arms of Love. If that idea frightens you, take a look at the company in scripture that dared to desire.

THOSE WHO DESIRED GREATLY

Moses exemplified the heavenly longing. “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. …Then Moses said to him, ‘If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.’
And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
Then Moses said, ‘Now show me your glory.’” (Ex. 33:11a,15, 17-18)

David captured the sacred desire. “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Ps. 63:1)

Peter knew the holy crave. “[Jesus] came to Simon Peter, who said to him, ‘Lord, are you going to wash my feet?’
Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.’
‘No,’ said Peter, ‘you shall never wash my feet.’
Jesus answered, ‘Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.’
‘Then, Lord,’ Simon Peter replied, ‘not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!’” (John 13:6-9)

Most captivating of all, Jesus expresses the yearning of His own heart. “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.” (John 17:24)

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

So what do you want?

Are you grasping at the straws of satisfaction offered by the world? Entertainment. Escape. Affirmation by others.

Are you in a flustered flurry, like Martha, doing all the good things? Serving. Studying. Obeying.

Or are you finding eternal fulfillment and joy in Jesus? His presence. His love. His words.

It’s a revealing question and one that I hope you take time to sit with this week.

Music moves the heart and can often guide our prayers, so perhaps this playlist will help you put words to the longing. I’ve been listening to it on repeat.

May the One who created your desires awaken you to His nearness and stir your sanctified affections. May Jesus be the only thing truly pleasing to your eye. And mine, too.

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