The first day my children attended our school’s Summer Enrichment Camp a few months ago, I waved goodbye with perhaps too big of a grin, tossed aside my phone, grabbed my journal and Bible, and bee-lined for the porch. Where I sat by myself. Alone. Watching the rain. Quietly. Breathing deeply. Uninterrupted.
I had been craving this solitude for so long. I soaked it up like the ground drinking in the rain. “Wow, I really needed this,” I told God. As I unwound in those precious undisturbed moments, I felt a deep sense of well-being and peace–perhaps for the first time since the COVID crisis started.
The morning passed quickly, and after lunch I went to Bible study at a friend’s house. It was the first time we’d gathered together since March. We transformed into school girls again as we laughed our way through snacks and told stories of the ridiculous antics we’d all done to survive the past three months. Then we started a new study on honest prayer journaling and how to hear God’s truth over the lies we believe.
God was there in our midst. No doubt about it. And as he spoke to our hearts, we solidified his whispered reassurances by daring to share them out loud. We prayed for one another then pretended like we were leaving, only to continue the revelry by our cars for the next 30 minutes. “Wow, I really needed that,” I told God as I drove away.
And in the picture of that glorious day where I lingered and laughed from a depth I hadn’t touched for a long time, I can see the intriguing paradox of the soul. It needs silence and solitude to be heard, and yet it needs a safe community to heal.
As with most things human, there’s a complexity to the balance of our needs…
The retreat and the fellowship.
The silence and the rejoicing.
The fasting and the feasting.
Finding Your Soul in Solitude
“The longing for solitude is the longing for God. It is the longing to experience God unmediated by words, theological constructs, religious activity, my own and other’s manipulations of my relationship with God. The longing for solitude is also the longing to find ourselves; it is the longing to be in touch with what is most real within us, that which is more solid and enduring than what defines us externally. This is the soul of us, that place at the very center of our being that is known by God, that is grounded in God and is one with God.”
Ruth Haley Barton
Yes, in undistracted silence and solitude we hear both God and our own souls most clearly.
Before I became aware of this need within me, I would bluster on in all my good, Christian activities and try to cram in some intellectual-type Bible study when I had space. Prayer time mostly consisted of giving thanks and praying through a list of needs.
But after a while, the unheard needs of my soul would come out in one of two ways: anger at my husband for not meeting my needs (as if he really could!), or a rare torrent of tears and frustration when I’d collapse into bed exhausted, just hoping for a nap.
Notice, I did eventually admit I had been soldiering on through unmet needs, but I didn’t usually pause and listen to myself long enough to realize that the felt needs for more help with the kids, closer friendships, or even a nap, were the surface symptoms of my deep soul exhaustion.
“The busy soul gets attached to the wrong things because the soul is sticky. The Velcro of the soul is what Jesus called ‘desire.’ It could be desire for money, or it could simply be desire for ‘other things.’ We mistake our clutter for life. If we cease to be busy, do we matter? A person preoccupied with externals–success, reputation, ceaseless activity, lifestyle, office gossip–may be dead internally and not even recognize it.”
John Ortberg, Soul Keeping
You will not hear the warning cries of your soul unless you brutally carve out time for silence and solitude with only Jesus.
Likewise, the almost inexplicable experiences of joy and delight, awe and wonder can only be fully captured by a soul that knows how to be still with the Lord.
Healing Your Soul in Community
Yet, even as we desperately need to get alone with Jesus, cry out to him from the depths of our souls, and wait upon him in silence, we can’t stay there forever.
Adam walked with God in the garden, right? But still God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
We are created to help one another on this journey.
Some aspects of the spiritual life and of caring for your soul, can only be done within relationship and community. Consider the power of corporate worship, the freedom of being prayed for after honest confession (admittedly, I don’t think very many of us have actually experienced this), the confirmation of a prophetic word spoken directly into your situation, the guidance of a mentor, and the safety net of those relationships that will always lift you back up when life knocks you down.
When your soul has a family to belong to, it can grow, heal, and express itself freely.
As the writer of Hebrews reiterates, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Now, before you get all huffy at me because your church still can’t meet in person, or your family is broken or lives far away, or you’re a missionary in an isolated area, hear me out. There are many ways to engage in an authentic community.
- Do you have a mentor, or someone whose walk with the Lord you admire that you can meet with regularly?
- Do you have a small group of friends that are all hungry for the Lord that are willing to talk about the deep soul stuff with you?
- Are you part of a sports team, or band, or writer’s group, or drama club, or mom’s playgroup with other Christians who encourage you to not only do your best for the Lord, but also to abide with him in every area?
- What about a nearby Bible study, book club, cell group, or prayer meeting you could join?
- Or maybe that neighbor you keep bumping into in the store is craving authentic community, too.
Don’t wait for it to come to you. Find someone you can share the soul-journey toward Christlikeness with and reach out.
Be with God so You Can Be with People
“People will look different when I see them with God. People are a huge part of the ‘with God’ life, because we have to live with people. We have to interact with them. How we get along with people says a lot about where our soul rests. When we are living with God, we will see people as God sees them.”
John Ortberg, Soul Keeping
Let me wrap this up by saying, the more your soul knows how to be present to God in the silence, the more you’ll be able to be present to people amid the noise.
Soul Care Practice: Find a solitary place to sit quietly, grab a notebook, and set a timer for at least five minutes. Invite Jesus to sit with you, and just be in his presence. No agenda, just stillness.
If you get distracted by to-dos, simply write them down and return your attention to Jesus. However, if something concerning bubbles to the surface of your thoughts, that’s your soul crying out. Pay attention to it. Talk to Jesus about it. Jot it down to revisit in prayer later if you think it’s going to take some time.
The overflow of this time might be peace and gratitude, or it might be sadness and concern. Whatever you experience is okay. You’re simply learning to acknowledge what’s going on underneath the exterior of your life in the safety of Jesus’ presence.
Finally, share about your time with someone you trust. This will solidify what God was doing in those moments AND deepen your relationship with the other person as you begin to talk with them on a soul level.
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